Peace With Broken Pieces
by AppleCiderr
Summary: After his final battle against Shizuo, a car accident leaves Izaya as less of a human than he was before. He must learn how to deal with the trauma, both physical and mental, from both incidents and move on with his life.
1. Chapter 1

"I could dump you at the door of a nearby ER, but you'd rather see an underground doctor I know, right?"

Izaya cringed as he forced words out of his sandpaper-like throat, making an affirmative noise. "But first, would you mind taking me as far from this city as you possibly can?" He croaked, eyes staring at the wing mirrors of the car as the city faded from view.

"If I'm going to die anyway," he began, leaning his head back as a weak smile crawled up his face. "Having a monster at my deathbed.. I can't have that, right?"

Neither Kine nor Manami replied, and so the car ride went back to silence. After a while of trying to stay awake, or force words out of his weakened throat, the raven realized it was pain was becoming bearable, so he decided to allow himself to fade into unconsciousness…

Just as his eyes slid shut, he heard Kine yell. There was the screeching, and a violent crashing noise. It felt as if they were spinning around in the air and hitting the ground, over.. And over. Izaya's whole body was thrown around, the seatbelt the only thing saving him from flying out of it.

Suddenly, the violent tossing stopped. He was numb for what felt like hours, until a white, blinding pain exploded throughout his whole body. His mouth opened, a pained screech escaping him, but he couldn't hear it over the ringing of his ears.

There was other screaming, and the whining of sirens, but his vision was blurred. He could see, he couldn't hear, all he felt was pain. It hurt so bad, he wanted it to stop, he wanted to get away. But he couldn't move… Something was pressing against his whole body, holding him down and puncturing him.

It was hot… So hot. Sweat was running down his face. Or was it blood? Then, he was suddenly being moved again. Izaya screamed, feeling something stopping him from moving. Someone spoke to him, their voice was soft, but he couldn't hear what they were trying to tell him.

Time suddenly seemed to jump forward, and the next thing Izaya knew, he was laying on something hard, the burning pain was back. He let out another scream, his vision fading in and out.

"Sir! I need you to stay awake! The ambulance is almost here!" A frantic voice exclaimed, but it sounded as if Izaya was underwater. It just.. Hurt so much. He didn't want to stay awake..

Everything began to numb out as he faded away, and the blinding pain started to vanish as well. He didn't care about the frantic voices begging and demanding that he stay awake.

Izaya just wanted the pain to stop.

* * *

The first Izaya woke up, his head felt like it was completely filled with cotton. He blearily blinked his eyes, but they wouldn't seem to clear, and his whole body was completely numb. He couldn't move… Why?

The raven's heart began to frantically beat, his chest tightening with anxiety. Suddenly, a harsh beeping reached his ears.

Fear exploded throughout him, eyes widening, and screaming in terror. He tried to call out for someone, anyone, but his voice wasn't working.

Then, there were tall, imposing figures above him. His heart clenched, eyes widening in terror. _Shizuo… Was it him? It has to be! Did he come to finish me off?!_

Izaya tried to get up and run, but his whole body refused to listen. There was a gentle hand on his shoulder, a soft sting in his arm, and his mind melted into sludge one more.

* * *

The next time Izaya woke up, things were much more clear… But so was the slightly throbbing pain that seemed to never leave him. The beeping from before was much calmer, and he realized that the room he was in was actually a hospital room.

He was a little confused, wasn't Kine taking him to an underground doctor? Why was he in a hospital?

The raven moved his head, and found that there were several different machines around him including a heart monitor and IV. There were other wires, but he already felt exhausted from just turning his head one way, so he didn't move it again.

 _Maybe a nurse could explain?_ He thought, and noticed the nurse button by his bed. He went to lift his arm, only to flinch in pain. He quickly dropped his arm back onto the soft bed, his mind being sure to give him a vivid reminder of exactly _how_ his arms had ended up in those casts.

Izaya sighed again, glaring at the elusive button. Then, he decided to try and sit up.. Maybe then he could reach the button easier. He tried to bring his right leg up, but he found it was immobilized in a cast as well. In fact, it was lifted up right in front of him. _How did I not see that? Am I that drugged up?_

Growing even more frustrated, he scooted forward the best his could and tried to use his left leg to lift himself up. But.. No, something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He felt something… Why wasn't his leg moving?!

The beeping of the monitor began to pick up once more as Izaya felt a foreboding feeling overcome him. He placed his casts against the bed, forcing himself past the throbbing pain as he lifted himself into a sitting position. Then, he forced his terror filled red eyes open, and looked down. The second they opened, his heart screeched to a stop, the room turned cold, and he felt a scream on his lips.

The reason he wasn't able to move his left leg…

Was because he didn't have one anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

His heart was pounding against his chest, spots crawling up into his vision. Izaya's throat was blocked, ears being invaded by a harsh beeping. He couldn't scream, he couldn't move. All he was able to do was stare down at the empty space on his bed.

The space where his left leg should have been.

The raven felt his eyes burn with tears just as the door to his room slid open. In the doorway was a young, frazzled looking nurse. Her eyes widened, and then filled with pity as she realized just why Izaya's vitals had risen so quickly.

"Sir, please, you need to calm down or I'll have to sedate you." She said as gently as possible.

Izaya tried to yell, he tried to scream, but his voice wasn't working. All that escaped his throat was a strangled noise, his wide red eyes not even trying to look over at the women. He just continued to stare down at the bed, the tears falling down his cheeks.

The nurse slowly approached the panicking young man, tapping at his shoulder. Izaya released another strangled noise, turning to face her. She quickly pulled her hand away, and firmly said,"Sir, I know you're confused and afraid, but I can help. I need you to calm down and let me help you lay back again, then I'll get the doctor to explain everything, okay?"

For a moment, Izaya wanted to refuse. But, he also was desperate to understand what happened since he didn't remember. He inclined his head forward the slightest bit, allowing her come come closer.

The nurse was very careful with all the bandages as she helped him down onto the bed. Once he was laying back down, the nurse checked his vitals once more, she wrote some things on her clipboard, and left the room. A few minutes later, she returned with an older woman.

"Mr. Orihara, I'm Dr. Mejiro. I know you are confused, and I'll try to explain to the best of my ability, but if your vitals become dangerous, I will have to stop" She told the raven, gaining a quick nod in conformation.

Since he calmed down pretty quickly, and wasn't reacting violently, the woman decided it was safe to explain. "Mr. Orihara, you were in a car crash about an hour and a half outside of Ikebukuro. The crash left you with several lacerations, you fell unconscious with a concussion, the wound in your stomach was torn open more, several smaller cuts, and your arms were broken very badly. You needed a lot of stitches and heavy casts on both arms. The most violent injury, as I'm sure you've already seen, is your leg."

Izaya swallowed back down the lump in his throat as the doctor continued,"When you arrived at the hospital, you had already lost too much blood, it was barley connected anymore, and was much too damaged to reconnect even if we wanted to. We had no choice but to amputate."

The description of what happened to his leg made the lump come back, Izaya's face turning green, and he desperately tried to hold back the urge to vomit. He couldn't believe all this happened to him… And he could only imagine what Kine and Manami's injuries were-

Wait… Where are they?!

Izaya's heart leapt into his chest. He turned back to the doctor, forcing his voice to work. "K-K-Ki-ne… Ma-na.." He tried, only to choke up again. Thankfully, the doctor seemed to understand.

"You're asking about Kine and Manami?" She gently asked, brown eyes growing sad. Izaya was confused at why she would be, but he nodded anyway.

The woman looked away from him, taking a deep breath, then slowly said,"The only reason you managed to survive was because you were sitting on the other side of the car. Your friends… Didn't make it. Kine was killed on impact, Manami died en route to the hospital. I'm very sorry.."

Something within Izaya suddenly broke. The tears and pain he had managed to hold down before broke through his mask. Tears tumbled down his cheeks, anguished cries filled with his pain and grief echoed through the small hospital room. All his facades dissolved, leaving the previously invincible Izaya as what he truly was.

A lost, traumatized human.

* * *

4 Months Later

* * *

In the time since Izaya had been taken to the hospital, his body was almost completely healed. His stitches had all come out, but he was left with several scars. There were a few smaller ones that were hard to see, two large scars from his lacerations that were located across his chest and another over his shoulder. The largest scar, however, was the stab wound on his stomach, thanks to the wound growing bigger from the crash. It was about the size of a softball, and stood out extremely on his pale skin…. Although all the scars did.

His broken arms took the longest to heal. Shizuo had already broken them pretty badly, but the crash only worsened their condition. He had many scars up his arms from the surgery, and there were days where he swore there was still paid.. But other than that, they were fine.

There was one injury, however, that would never go away. His leg… Or what was left of it. The swelling was gone, it was completely fine according to the doctors, but not to Izaya. Every time he moved, tried to stand, or was even just laying there he would have to be reminded of it. Reminded of the fact he would never be able to live a normal life again.

As the four months of healing went by, Izaya found himself falling into a numbness. He just lied there, some days in complete denial about his injury, and other days with tears streaming down his cheeks constantly.

One thing remained constant, and that was the raven's desire to waste away and die. Why couldn't that damned car have hit him and not the other two? They didn't deserve to die… It was all his fault, if he hadn't demanded that Kine take him as far from Ikebukuro as possible, they would still be alive. He should have died… He should be dead.

Izaya wanted nothing more than to die.

To his dismay, however, those damn doctors wouldn't let him. If he stopped drinking, they'd give him a saline drip, if he stopped eating they'd threaten to send him to a psych ward. Anything sharp was kept out of his reach. Izaya wanted to scream and yell. WHy couldn't they just let him die?! Couldn't they see that he deserved it?!

Izaya finally decided that he would just go through the motions. He would wait until he was released from the hospital, and then he would let himself die. He'd finally get what he deserved.

But, of course, the damn hospital staff couldn't just leave him alone. After recovering for four months, one of the happier nurses who had short hair and a purple ribbon on her scrubs came into his room… With a wheelchair. She set it down by his bed, turning to him with a smile. "Mr. Orihara, your recovery is going quite smoothly!" She exclaimed.

 _Unfortunately._ Izaya quipped in his head.

She continued,"And you know what a recovering body needs? Sunlight! I'm taking you to our outdoor area. Doesn't some fresh air sound nice?"

Izaya wanted to hiss at her, and demand that she leave him alone, but he knew it was no use. He let the nurse help him into the stupid wheelchair, wishing that he could have walked to the outdoor area… But that would never be possible again. He felt the tears threatening to break through his lids, and forced himself to keep them in as they headed towards the sunlit area.

The outdoor area was… Nice. It was paved, with furniture such as soft couches. There were also areas with grass and trees, and even a small pond. The only other people around were patients and their nurses.

"Where would you like to go?" His nurse cheerfully asked, stopping just inside the entrance and waiting for his opinion.

Izaya scoffed, rolling his dull red eyes as he snarled,"Who cares?"

He could almost hear the frown in her sigh. She went silent for a few seconds, before saying,"Why don't we go by the koi pond? That's always been a patient favorite, especially for the little ones."

Izaya rolled his eyes, halfway tempted to ask her if it seemed like he gave a flying fuck. But, he restrained himself, and let her push him over to the koi pond.

He rested his elbow against the arm of his wheelchair, holding his head up as he watched the fish swim. The raven had to admit, it was better than staring at the same white walls for days on end.

He probably would have stayed that way for a while if not for the chattering voice next to him. The raven grunted in annoyance, looking over at the nurse. How hard was it for the woman to shut up?

"You know, this was my favorite place to go when I was in the hospital," She mentioned,"I was a lot like you when I was stuck here."

Izaya's curiosity finally pushed past his annoyance, as he turned his dull red eyes towards her, softly asking,"Stuck here?"

The woman nodded, a gentle smile on her face. "I had a bone tumor, it turned out to be much more fatal than they thought," She explained,"It was bone cancer, and I had only a fifteen percent survival rate. I thought I was going to die."

Izaya suddenly felt selfish, and lowered his head back towards his lap. "But," The nurse continued,"I didn't let that stop me. I did all the treatments, I stayed healthy, and I never lost faith. And, guess what? I survived, and I was able to get my dream job as a nurse! Everyone, even my family, thought I was going to die, but I exceeded everyone's expectations!"

He could see the pride in her eyes as she stared at the Koi pond, and hear the happiness in her sigh. She turned back to him, and then declared,"If there's anything you can take from this story, I want it to be this; Don't let the world hold you down. Push past the limits they set, and never give up."

After that, she went uncharacteristically silent, and the raven fell into deep thought. _I feel so selfish… I've been so rude to her, even though she completely understands how I feel. She isn't even sad… She's proud. She never let it stop her._ Then, a bright light made itself known within the raven's darkened mind.

 _If she could do all that, then what's stopping me?_

The raven already knew the answer to that question, however. All that was stopping him at this point was himself.

"Hey…" Izaya gently began, turning his red eyes towards the nurse once more. "When we go back inside, c-can I ask the doctor about prosthetics?"

Based on the smile the nurse had on her face, Izaya could tell that his question was exactly what she had been hoping to hear.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few months seemed to pass by in a blur for Izaya. The nurse had quickly called in a physical therapist to help him get back in shape, and he started eating better again. Soon, he was gaining back the weight and confidence he lost.

The doctor also brought in a psychiatrist to ask him questions about his new prosthetic leg, why he wanted it, what he did before, etc. The man also prodded into Izaya's car accident, which only brought up bad memories and guilt.

Izaya didn't have to worry about returning to and from the physical therapy, mainly because he was still stuck in the hospital for the malnutrition and his other injuries. Although it sounded bad to admit, he was actually glad he was still in the hospital.

The idea of driving _anywhere_ after what happened, even to a place supposed to help him, was too much for him to think about…

So, he didn't think about it. Instead, he spent his time talking to the eccentric nurse and sitting in the hospital's garden. Sometimes both at the same time. It was during these peaceful times that the raven realized something about himself.

When Izaya looked at the world now, it felt completely different. Instead of being shades of black and white while the humans were in colors, the world shone brighter than ever before.

He noticed things that he never took the time to acknowledge before; Like the flapping of a hummingbird's wings, how certain flowers smelled, and how the clouds seemed to form the most beautiful things.

The world was so lovely, Izaya wondered how he ever missed it.

When he had any free time, he would go out to the hospital garden or stare out the windows of the building, simply watching the world move and change.

 _Why did it take almost dying to notice this beauty?_ The raven often wondered.

But instead of constantly questioning, Izaya decided to simply enjoy the sights and sounds he had taken for granted, and thank whatever was up in those clouds for the second chance he had.

* * *

Izaya and the nurse also grew closer as well, after all he owed it to her; She pulled him out of his pit of depression.

Mikiru Kirisaki was her name, but she demanded all patients call her by her first name. As Izaya would come to discover, Mikiru wasn't one for formalities.

"When my boyfriend and I get married, if that ever happens, I don't want a huge, formal wedding. We could wear jeans and cowboy hats for all I care," She once told him, and Izaya believed her wholeheartedly.

She also seemed to have a mischievous streak in her, as she was one of the few nurses who snuck fast food in for patients from time to time. She didn't do it a lot, only when she knew that people needed a pick-me-up. Still, the influence she had on people was obvious.

Sometimes, she would join the raven in relaxing in the garden. They would sit, and talk about simple things they now enjoyed, about their lives, and their plans for the future.

One day, Mikiru brought up something that Izaya hadn't thought about in weeks. They had been speaking about the past, and Mikiru had explained that she hadn't been in touch with her family since they gave up on her in the hospital.

"Well, at least you don't have their toxicity in your life anymore," Izaya pointed out, before chuckling to himself. "My parents never cared about a thing I did. They had no clue what my job was, what I was doing in that job. Hell, they probably have no clue I've been in a hospital all this time."

Mikiru snorted. "That sucks," She replied,"Sounds like both of our parents would get along really well."

Izaya nodded, completely sure that they would. He could already see them pouring expensive tea, eating tiny, oversized, overpriced pastries while complaining about the children they never bothered to care about.

Then, Mikiru caught his attention when she asked,"So, when you finally get out of here, are you gonna go back to your old job?"

The raven stopped, eyes widening the slightest bit. Instead of the glee he usually felt when he thought about informant broking, dread and hatred wrapped around his heart. But, he wasn't confused; He knew exactly why.

"No," He firmly answered,"I'll never go back to my past life. Never."

Mikiru grew a concerned look on her face. "Why?" She hesitantly asked.

Izaya brought up his trembling hands, instantly overcome with memories of all the cruel, heartless things he had done to so many innocent people. "I.. Was a monster, a cruel and heartless person," He admitted,"I had fun with it, I wanted to make people's lives perfectly horrible. I-I don't even know why I enjoyed it so much, it was because of that this happened to me; I was horrible, honestly I deserved it.."

He shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself. "I don't want to go back to that life, I want to become someone better," He explained,"I was given a second chance, and I want to use it right. I want to live like Kine and Manami would have wanted, if they had lived."

 _Because, they would have lived if it wasn't for me.._ Were the unspoken words between them.

Mikiru didn't respond at first, she merely moved a bit closer, giving him a tight hug. "It's okay, Izzy," She whispered,"I understand the feeling. I'm proud of you, you want to become better person to make up for your past actions, a very honorable thing to do. Just don't let your guilt take over your life, live with their memories, not for them."

Izaya sniffed, wiping his tears away, and wrapping an arm around her. "T-thank you, Mikiru, for understanding," He whispered.

Mikiru nodded against him, and they went quiet for several minutes.

Then, Izaya chuckled, and asked,"Izzy?"

"I just randomly thought of it, okay!?" Mikiru exclaimed,"Be grateful, I don't give nicknames to just any patient!"

"Oh really?" Izaya queried, growing mischievous. "Did you forget about Crazy legs, Fish, Blue, Penny, and June-"

"Oh shut up, you smartass!"

* * *

After his little heart to heart with Mikiru, Izaya's emotions seemed to be much easier to handle, as were his thoughts.

All his old personality seemed to melt away, revealing the person he had buried a long time ago. A happy, mischievous personality was revealed. His heart, the one he had kept hidden for so long, was finally allowed to love.

He now cracked jokes with other patients and the staff, made friends, and helped people feel better about their situations. The shadow that covered his true self was gone, and he became a ray of sunshine.

At first, he was terrified, afraid that his brittle heart may be shattered. But… Nobody sneered, hated, snarled, or acted at all like people had when he was cruel. As soon as he realized this, his personality grew even more.

Everything had changed, but in a good way.

* * *

Then, the day finally came. It was time for Izaya to put on his prosthetic leg for the first time.

They had gone to the room where bars were set up; His doctor, Mikiru, and the physical therapist were with him.

He got fitted into the sock, lining, and prosthetic and was surprised by how heavy it felt. "Whoa…" He muttered quietly,"That feels really weird"

"Well, you've spent about five months without a real leg, the weight and feeling will be kind of strange," His doctor explained.

They gave him a few moments to get used to it, and all Izaya was able to do was stare, feel, and move his new leg the slightest bit.

Then, the doctor gently asked,"Ready to try standing?"

Eagerly, the raven nodded. He looked at the balance bars in front of him, while The physical therapist took a seat ahead of him.

"Alright, grab the bars and keep your weight on your right side," The doctor continued,"You might feel a little too tall but that's normal."

Izaya nodded, taking a deep breath, and then hoisted himself onto his feet. He kept his weight on his real leg, but tried to stand up as straight as possible. His hands shook, staring down at the leg.

The physical therapist helped him at the waist, asking,"Is everything okay? Even?"

Izaya nodded again. "Yeah," He breathes out, suddenly feeling as though all his breath had been yanked from his body.

Once they were sure everything was right, they had him sit back down and remove it, taught him how to put on the sleeve, and then had him do it.

Then, he stood again. And the doctor said,"Alright, let's try some steps in place."

Izaya nodded, and then lifted his real leg, placing it back down. Then, with held breath, he lifted his prosthetic leg and placed it back down. He couldn't help it, he started to laugh.

"Izzy?" Mikiru asked nervously.

"It feels so weird.." He admitted,"I'm not used to it anymore. But, like a good weird."

"A good weird!" Mikiru cheerfully repeated.

The next step was they had him move his real leg forward, leaning on his toes to get the carbon fiber moving. And then bounced on his heels with his prosthetic leg in the front. Once again, he giggled a bit, unable to hide his excitement. They repeated those exercises a few times.

Then, the moment of truth. The doctor softly said,"Alright, we're going to have you walk. Just do what you would naturally do, okay?"

Izaya nodded, squeezing the bars tightly once more before beginning to walk as he normally would with as much concentration as possible.

As soon as he started, his brain seemed to be doing mental gymnastics to try and understand why he was walking again. He walked forward, turned and walked backward.

As soon as he got back to the end, he finally let the floodgates go. He released loud, ugly sobs and released the bars, covering his face.

"Izzy!?" Mikiru frantically called,"Are you okay!? Does something hurt!?"

The raven shook his head, sniffling softly. "No no," He croaked,"I'm just.. So happy!"

He descended further into sobs, feeling Mikiru pull him into a hug. He leaned into her, crying tears of joy.

A little while ago, all he wanted to do was die. But now, he was living, he was walking…

He was soaring.

* * *

"So, you're staying in Yamanashi?"

Izaya, back in his wheelchair, but with his leg on, nodded. "Yeah! There's tons of new things that I haven't done or seen here!" He excitedly chatted,"I have no reason to go back to Ikebukuro, There's so much I haven't done, and now I actually can!"

"I'm glad!" Mikiru replied, stopping outside of the hospital. "Well, you know where I am. I expect many, many, many visits, okay? You check ups and therapy doesn't count! I want real visit, Izzy!"

The raven smiled, heaving himself out of the wheelchair, and taking his bag of stuff from her. "Of course, Miki! You didn't think you'd get rid of me, did you?" He teased.

Mikiru laughed, and then hugged him tight once more. "Be safe out there, okay peg leg?" She asked.

Izaya didn't respond, he merely hugged her back and nodded. He owed her so much, and couldn't help but be happy to have someone who understood everything he went through.

They came apart, and Mikiru went back into the hospital. Izaya waved goodbye, and then turned back to the expanse that was Yamanashi. It was completely unfamiliar to him, but that was what made it exciting.

He took a deep breath, breathing the outdoor air for the first time in a long while. Then, he took his first step forward into the world.

And his first step towards his new life.


End file.
